How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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