Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
