have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
