she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Someone came in the potted fern
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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