How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
