I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
