I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
