I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
