When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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