too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
