I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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