Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
