Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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