you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
