I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
