Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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