He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
