i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
