Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
