Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
