She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
