I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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