when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
