if only i could text you this smell
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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