Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
