those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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