You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
