I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
