I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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