Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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