so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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