I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
