i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
