I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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