I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
