why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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