my soul wont recognize me after tonight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
