I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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