I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
