I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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