it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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