I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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