Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
