i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
