So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
did i just pee glitter
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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