my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
