Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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