The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i think my cat just said my name.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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