Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Buhtt sex?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
