I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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