last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
