Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
