hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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