Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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