omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
