OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Operation Purity has been aborted
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
