My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
